BreakingModern — Interviews have the ability to make job seekers nervous, and things happen when people get nervous. Not impressive things, mind you, but things.
According to a recent article on Monster.com, the following events actually happened. These conversations might make you wonder if there was a hidden camera planted behind the office fern, or maybe Ashton Kutcher is in a CIA-discreet white van parked outside, ready to bust in and tell the interviewer they’ve been punk’d. But nope. They happened in a real-life job interview, and I’m willing to wager that nobody got a call back.
Where Job Interviews Go to Die
“Is there anything else I should know about you?”
“You should probably know I mud wrestle on the weekends.”
– Pam Venné, Principal, The Venné Group (Source: CareerBuilder.com)
O RLY. Good 2 know, thx 4 coming in. We’ll be in touch.
“Tell us about a problem you had with a co-worker and how you resolved it.”
“The resolution was we were both fired.”
– Jason Shindler, CEO, Curvine Web Solutions (Source: CareerBuilder.com)
“I swear this is true: Someone threw his beer can in the outside trashcan before coming into the reception area.”
— Anonymous HR Professional (Source: RD.com)
Go home, Bukowski.
“The applicant put up posters of himself in the company parking lot.”
— Anonymous HR professional (Source: RD.com)
Top-of-mind awareness marketing gone wrong.
“Have you submitted your two weeks’ notice to your current employer?”
“What is two weeks’ notice? I’ve never quit a job before, I’ve always been fired.”
– Katrina Meistering (Source: CareerBuilder.com)
I’m sure that sounded way better in your head.
“Why should we hire you?”
“My parents told me I need to get a job so that is why I’m here.” -- Bill McGowan, founder, Clarity Media Group (Source: CareerBuilder.com)
Follow-up question: Who picked out your clothes this morning, and did you dress yourself?
“I’m really not a big learner. You know … some people love learning and are always picking up new things, but that’s just not me. I’d much rather work at a place where the job is pretty stagnant and doesn’t change a lot.”
— Michaele Charles, Voice Communications (Source: CNN.com)
I’m pretty sure only Ron Livingston in Office Space could pull this off.
“May I have a cup of coffee? I think I may still be a little drunk from last night.” – Jodi R.R. Smith, Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting (Source: CareerBuilder.com)
Sure, there’s a coffee shop around the corner. Please go there, and don’t come back.
Last Minute Thought …
These stories remind me of my favorite joke — stop me if you’ve heard this one before. So a guy walks into a job interview, and question after question, he’s crushing it. Perfect answers, every time. The interviewer is sure he’s going to hire this guy, so the last question comes as more of a formality than anything else.
“What is your greatest weakness?”
“I’m always honest,” replies the guy.
The interviewer laughs. “Um, that doesn’t really sound like a weakness … ”
“Well,” the guy replies. “I don’t give an eff what you think.”
First image: By Joe Bez via Flickr Creative Commons (text added by Raquel Cool)